I’m afraid that I do not have the answer to the age old question of the existence of our significant others who God or The Universe may have pre-ordained for us to meet sometime in this lifetime. Yet many of us are on the lookout for ‘that someone special’, ‘my significant other to be’, ‘my other half’. We put on our most attractive clothes, painstakingly style our hair for hours on end and apply makeup on our faces to be able to go out to yet another function in hopes of meeting someone who ironically will accept us simply for who we are. Strong independent women with flourishing careers downplay their achievements just so men will not feel intimidated by them.
Having been a part of several relationships, I can honestly say that losing oneself in a relationship is a very real pitfall. Relinquishing the power to the other person and becoming docile to the point of letting him treat you meanly happens a lot more than most people would like to admit. Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse as its scars are not visible so it’s easy for most people to ignore it. It also lasts much longer than a broken nose. You try to keep the peace by remaining silent, thinking, “I’ve seen the good part of him, he’s not usually like that…If I let him have his way, he’ll cherish me more.” Unfortunately, people treat you the way you let them treat you. Needless to say, you lose your self identity in such a relationship as well as the last vestiges of your self esteem.
The older I get, the more I realise that love isn’t all about holding hands and staring starry eyed into someone else’s eyes over a candlelit dinner. Romance is important, but once the honeymoon period is over, the mundane things in life are what takes over. I’m not by any means a love expert, but I have learnt a fair few lessons along the way. This next one one after my last short lived relationship:
“The lesson, I feel, is to not be desperate about the outcome. As I was previously. To not want to hang on to a relationship for the fact of having a relationship even though it’s crap. To be ok with it turning out either way. Either breaking up or ending up together. To enjoy the journey, not worry about the destination. To lift each other up and support one another without having any agendas. To motivate each other to become better humans. To openly discuss issues, not sweep them under the rug for fear of losing the other person. To be vulnerable yet strong. To laugh and cry and realise that that’s what relationships are about. The good times and the bad. That ultimately love is a decision, not a fleeting feeling. To learn how to compromise. To learn that when you want to strangle your significant other cos he or she is driving you up the wall, you made that decision and commitment to stick it out for better or for worse, for sickness and in health because you love them, purely and almost unconditionally. To be able to show them your worst side and have them not judge you. To be able to just be around them without any masks for fear that they will reject you.”
Will I meet my soulmate someday? I don’t know. But I do know that there are people out there who I am destined to create precious memories with. Perhaps one of them will see me walk down the aisle towards him someday. Who knows? I’m just grateful for everyone who passes through my life. For now, I’m just focussing on creating lasting friendships.
Till next time!